I am a huge fan of talking dirty in the bedroom. I recently spoke with a client who agrees wholeheartedly, and she has given me permission to speak about her experiences.
She and her guy go out frequently, and she told me that she loves incorporating dirty talk into their night out. She states she relishes the thought of whispering in his ear, telling him all the things that she is going to do to him when they get home. She explained that she always yearns to see him squirm just a bit and see a smile set in on his face. She tells me that she knows that when she talks dirty to him, his libido skyrockets, and he knows it’s going to be a good night for him!
She and her guy talk dirty a LOT in the bedroom. They are completely comfortable and know that what they say in the bedroom does not translate outside the bedroom. For instance, she tells me that he can call her a whore while they are having sex, but she would never want him to call her that name in day to day life.
She says that she loves the spice that it brings to their relationship. “ It is just one of the tools we use to keep the spice in our sexual lives.”
A man loves when his woman talks dirty to him. It sends him into a primal mode, and he wants her. Unfortunately, many women freeze at the mere thought of talking dirty to their man. They fear to appear foolish, stupid, or just plain silly. They become intimidated.
Likewise, many women enjoy receiving dirty talk from their man. Women read erotica now more than ever. Thanks to the ability to buy eBooks, women can purchase erotica from home, without the possibility of embarrassment associated with going to a bookstore. Erotica is packed full of sex, lust, passion, and yes, dirty talk.
A scientific study conducted by Harold Leitenberg, in The Journal of Sex Research. found that women who read erotica or romance novels had an astonishing 74 percent more sex than women who did not. Moreover, the women who read erotica also had better, more adventurous sex. Dr. Leitenberg stated that women tend to have intensified sexual fantasies when they indulge in reading this type of material.
Today, women are more open to their sexual desires than ever before. They are exploring their own wants and needs, instead of just the needs of their man. While men tend to be single focus driven when it comes to sex (in general), women tend to be multifaceted. We focus on the sights, sounds, smells, physical feelings, and emotions.
Talking dirty to your partner can be a spicy addition to your sexual toolkit. It does not require preparation and is easy to incorporate into your sexual play. It does not require an entire story or narrative, but instead can just be a simple utterance, telling your partner what feels good, what you would like your partner to do to you, or what you would like to do to your partner. It adds fire to your sexual encounter.
Here, I am going to describe three levels of dirty talk and give examples of each. The important thing is that you start at the level that you are most comfortable with. You also need to make sure your partner is at that same level, or you may make them uncomfortable, or downright insult them.
Just to make things clear, dirty talk does not necessarily need to involve vulgar language or obscene words, although if you like that sort of thing as I do, then go for it!
Also, dirty talk does not have to happen only while doing the deed. Some of my client’s favorite times to start talking dirty is while she is out with her man. It sets a tone for later that night. She states she especially like talking dirty while surrounded by all their friends. A discrete whisper in his ear gets him excited and gets me worked up as well.
In addition, if the thought of talking dirty to your man scares you more than standing in a cage full of hungry lions, try sexting first. You will be able to gauge his level of excitement by what he texts back to you, and since you are not face to face with him, your level of awkwardness will be decreased.
I recommend this level for beginners. Try to use descriptive phrases or questions like:
- It feels so good when you touch me there.
- I love the way your skin feels against mine
- You taste so good, baby.
- I love it when you look at me like that.
- Where do you want to cum?
- I can’t wait to feel you inside me.
- You make me want to explode.
- I need you so badly.
- Do you like it when I touch you there?
- I am getting so wet.
- I love feeling your hands all over me.
- It feels so good when you are deep inside me.
When you are comfortable with using these types of phrases, you may want to explore making dirty talk a bit dirtier. In general, the dirtier the talk is, the hotter men get. Try saying things like:
- I want you to take me.
- Your cock feels so good inside me.
- You make my pussy so wet.
- I want you to cum all over me.
- I want you to cum inside me.
- You do incredible things with your mouth.
- I love sucking your cock.
- You can do whatever you want to me (incorporate the word daddy into it if you are comfortable. He will go crazy over it)
- I want you to cum in my mouth.
- I want to taste your cum
- You have such a nice cock
So, you made it to level three. This level is not for the timid. Level three is much more vulgar in nature and is not so politically correct. It is much easier to use these phrases with someone you have been with for a while. Using these phrases in a new relationship could make them run for the hills. (Maybe not if he has always used dirty talk in past relationships). Using these types of phrases can be intoxicating and euphoric and can send your sex life to new heights. Try using phrases such as:
- I love being your little whore
- I am your little slut
- Fuck me, Daddy.
- I want you to use my body.
- Treat me like your sex toy.
- I want you to cum all over my face.
- Bend me over and fuck me.
- Ram your cock inside my hot, wet pussy.
- Fuck your pussy daddy.
- Fuck my ass (if you are into that sort of thing)
- Fuck my face. I want to swallow your cum.
I know that dirty talk can feel scary, or even terrifying, but with practice and communication with your man, talking dirty can add eroticism, excitement, and pleasure for both of you. The hardest part of dirty talk is opening your mouth. Once you can let it out, you will likely find it easier and easier to say what is on your mind.
Freedom of sexual expression is key to having a great sex life. Being able to communicate with your partner, both in out of the bedroom is a must.
Talking dirty is a great way to enhance your sex life and promote expression. Just remember to start at a level you are comfortable with.
Stay tuned to read my next blog, when I will be talking about fantasy/role play.
If you have questions or comments, please leave them below.
I am so excited to be with you on your journey to becoming your best sexual self.
All My Love,